When trying to tease out the beginning of the Arthurian legend it is easy to go real deep. There are mentions of the Battle of Badon Hill (long associated with Arthur) that go back to the 6^th century and specific references of a king named Arthur in the 8^th century. However, the first real story of King Arthur, his origins, and his history, comes from British cleric Geoffrey of Monmouth in the 12^th century. His book, The History of the Kings of Britain, isn’t really a historical text. Well, it kind of is, but is by no means a reliable one. It traces the lives of the kings of Britain for over two thousand years, from members of the Trojan royal family fleeing to start a new nation (yes, those guys who were fooled by a giant horse) to when the Anglo-Saxons took control of Britain in the 7^th century. Like a lot of texts in the medieval era, The History of the Kings of Britain is a mixture of legend and history and is likely based on previous texts lost to time. In short, while it is filled with a lot of things that may look like history, it should in no way be mistaken for a history book.

While the purpose of this blog is to talk about the myriad of King Arthur stories, there are a lot of other stories in The History of the Kings of Britain and some of them are really weird. Here are a few I would like to share with you:

• Corineus, one of the Trojan exiles, is really into cutting people in half and fighting giants. While fighting a giant “each of them caught the other in a hold by twining his arms round him, and the air vibrated with their panting breath.” Sexy. Also, the giant’s name is Gogmagog, which I really enjoy.
• Mempricius kills his brother, deserts his wife, and “abandoned himself to the vice of sodomy” before being “surrounded by ravening wolves and eaten up in miserable circumstances.”
• We get the story that Shakespeare’s King Lear is based on.
• There’s some Game of Thrones-esque stuff when during the fight between brothers Brennius and Belinus, their mother pleads with Brennius. She “bared her breasts before him and in a voice broken with sobbing, she spoke to him as follows: ‘Remember, my son, remember these breasts which you once sucked! Remember the womb of your mother, in which the Creator of all things fashioned you as a man-child.’”
• Severus Snape’s namesake invades Britain to build a wall that doesn’t even end up being named after him.

• The phrase “a cowardly pack of vagabond freebooters” is used.
• Merlin may or may not have been the product of virgin birth or his father may have been a ghost or a Nephilim (offspring of fallen angels and human women). Who can say? Geoffrey certainly can’t make up his mind.
• Merlin delivers prophecies to Vortigern which include some dragons, a boar, and the destruction of all nations. Oh, also “a Hedgehog loaded with apples shall re-build [a] town.”
• Merlin helps Aurelius bring Stonehenge over from Ireland.

In The History of the Kings of Britain, the story of King Arthur really begins with the story of his father, Uther Pendragon. Many of the Arthurian story archetypes start here and include the death of King Aurelius Ambrosius, Uther’s (Ambrosius’ brother) ascension to the throne of Britain, and Uther meeting Ygerna, the wife of Gorlois, Duke of Cornwall. Uther is immediately into Ygerna (because she was the “most beautiful woman in Britain” and women don’t really have any other defining characteristics in these early stories), Gorlois notices Uther’s interest (because it is really obvious), takes Ygerna, and leaves the court without telling anyone. This pisses off Uther who vows to ravage Gorlois’ lands (among other things-sorry couldn’t help myself). Uther summons Merlin to help him get into Tintagel (Gorlois’ castle). Merlin gives Uther a potion that will “give you the precise appearance of Gorlois so that you will resemble him in every respect.” Uther gets into Tintagel and “spent the night with Ygerna and satisfied his desire by making love with her.” That night “she conceived Arthur, the most famous of men.”

Meanwhile, Uther’s men fight Gorlois’ men and Gorlois is immediately killed. When Uther discovers Gorlois has been defeated, he takes Tintagel and Ygerna.

“He returned to Tintagel Castle, captured it and seized Ygerna at the same time, she being what he really wanted. From that day on they lived together as equals, united by their great love for each other; and they had a son and daughter. The boy was called Arthur and the girl Anna.”

The History of the kings of britain

This passage has a lot to unpack. First, there is the relationship between Uther and Ygerna. Prior to this, there is no indication whatsoever that Ygerna returns Uther’s feelings. He flirts with her when she comes to court, then he takes on the guise of her husband and, for all intents and purposes, rapes her. While there may have been no love lost between Ygerna and Gorlois (there is little to no insight into that relationship either), it is hard to believe that this is the beginning of some great love story between Ygerna and Uther. It is also very hard to believe that they “lived together as equals” as women throughout The History of the Kings of Britain are treated as chattel when Geoffrey bothers to mention them at all.

This passage also drops a major bomb: Arthur has a sister named Anna. A sister whose name is quickly eliminated from the record as she does not survive to current versions of the story (the exception to this that I’m aware of being Natania Barron’s lovely Queen of None-more on this in a future post). Early Arthurian literature is not kind to women, so I suppose it is no surprise that Arthur’s sister disappears as quickly as she appears. She is married off to Loth of Lodonesia and barely heard from again.

Uther marries off Anna and is then poisoned, passing the crown to Arthur. Arthur is fifteen years old and “of outstanding courage and generosity.” Arthur’s crowning is immediately followed by several battles with the Saxons, hoping to regain lands they lost under Uther. When Arthur goes into battle “on his head he placed a golden helmet, with a crest carved in the shape of a dragon,” carrying “a circular shield called Pridwen” adorned with an image of the Virgin Mary, “his peerless sword, called Caliburn” forged on the Isle of Avalon, and “a spear called Ron.” Caliburn eventually becomes Excalibur in later French romances.

Amidst the details of fighting enemies up and down Britain, we are briefly introduced to three brothers: Loth, Urian, and Auguselus. This is only noteworthy as Geoffrey goes on the explain that Loth was married to Ambrosius’ sister and produced two sons: Gawain and Mordred. We also get a brief mention of Arthur’s marriage to Guinevere, described as “the most beautiful woman in the entire island.” Again, Geoffrey mentions the woman as quickly as possible and moves on.

Following his marriage, Arthur goes off to conquer Ireland and Iceland before returning to Britain to reign in peace for twelve years. Then we’re back to warfare with an invasion of Gaul (which Arthur easily conquers of course). This section mentions his “cup-bearer Bedevere” and his “Seneschal Kay” who Arthur gifts lands in modern-day France to. This is followed by the description of the plenary court, which is basically a big medieval party.

However, the party doesn’t last too long as in the middle of it Arthur receives a letter from Lucius Hiberius, Procurator of the Republic, who is pissed that Britain is no longer giving tribute to Rome (i.e. they would like their money, please). The letter states: “You have had the presumption to disobey this mighty Empire by holding back the tribute of Britain, which tribute the Senate has ordered you to pay, seeing that Gaius Julius Cesar and other men of high place in the Roman State have received it for many years.” Arthur is then ordered to appear in Rome to receive his punishment for not paying up. Arthur writes back, refusing to make tribute and the Roman Senate gathers an army to conquer Britain. Arthur puts together his own army to meet them, leaving the defense of Britain under Mordred and Guinevere (not a great idea).

Marching to Rome is briefly interrupted by Arthur rescuing a maiden from a giant (it happens), before Arthur’s army meets the Romans at Saussy (an area in the eastern part of modern-day France). “At first the Britons had the worst of it, for Bedevere the Cupbearer was killed and Kay the Seneschal was mortally wounded.” However, Arthur enters the fray and the Britons become bolder: “[the Romans’] armour offered them no protection capable of preventing Caliburn, when wielded in the right hand of this mighty King, from forcing them to vomit forth their souls with their life-blood.” The Romans are defeated and Arthur makes ready to set out for Rome but is informed that “his nephew Mordred, in whose care he had left Britain, had placed the crown upon his own head” and “this treacherous tyrant was living adulterously and out of wedlock with Queen Guinevere.”

Arthur goes to meet Mordred in battle and reclaim his throne. The first battle between them “inflicted great slaughter” and Gawain is killed. While Mordred reforms his army to attack Arthur again, Guinevere flees and “took her vows among the nuns, promising to lead a chaste life.” When the battle recommences “the accursed traitor was killed and many thousands of his men with him.” Many others are killed and we receive this rather brief description at the end of Arthur’s story:

“Arthur himself, our renowned King, was mortally wounded and was carried off to the Isle of Avalon, so that his wounds might be attended to. He handed the crown of Britain over to his cousin Constantine, the son of Cador Duke of Cornwall: this in the year 542 after our Lord’s Incarnation.”

The History of the Kings of Britain

The History finishes off with brief descriptions of the not-so-great kings that followed Arthur, including Malgo who was apparently super-hot but “made himself hateful to God” because he was gay. Sounds like a pretty great king to me but, you know, early Christianity and all. The final king mentioned is Cadwallader who tries to reclaim Britain but an angel tells him “God did not wish the Briton to rule in Britain any more, until the moment should come when Merlin had prophesied to Arthur.” This is especially weird because in this version Merlin and Arthur never meet, but is likely meant to reference back to Merlin’s prophecies and the idea of the once and future king of Britain.

So there you have it, one of the origins of the Arthurian legend and a pretty decent read if you’re into medieval literature at all (because it is usually bonkers and kind of amazing).